1 Peter 5:8Recently, a dear friend and brother in Christ made a fleeting comment how a game that we play online together is creating some strife with his wife. Like me, he finds himself spending more time on this game than we both really should. While online, I read a chat comment he made to a colleague of ours, revealing how he had missed a significantly important family event due to our game, and how he is going to be in real trouble when he gets home.
(8) Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour
The following is a letter that I wrote to him. It's deeply personal, so I edited out all the names to protect the innocent as well as the guilty.
Men, I leave this letter online for YOU as well. May our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ protect you from the valley's He has asked me to tread.
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Hey there Brother,
I hope I am not speaking out of line here, but I noticed, the other day, your last comments to N________ regarding your wife possibly being upset about the amount of time you invest in Eve-Online.
PLEASE, I beg you, not only as a brother in Christ who cares about you and your family, but also as an individual that has gone through some pretty bad valleys. Be extremely careful on how Satan might use this to attack your family, and especially your wife.
S____ and I had been married since 1992. I had dedicated my life and my future into Christ's hands, and while in Bible college, I carefully and prayerfully sought a help-meet from God. I did everything I possibly could, in order to find God's will for my life. I placed myself under Godly authority. I sought counsel from her father, also a Godly man. I forcefully set aside anything that might get me off track from finding God's choice for my life. This is why, even to this day, I know without a shadow of a doubt that S____ H_______ is God's perfect will for my life.
The problems began when I took my eyes off of Christ. Though God had called me to be an educator, I was afraid that He would not provide for me, so I took another job that met our needs. Through the course of time, this "wedge" took my reliance off of Christ, turned my heart toward worldliness and eventually, I turned my back on everything I knew what was right. I did things my way and in my time. I had enough of fundamental Christianity and I decided to do my own "thing". I didn't realize how much I was hurting my wife. She was a strong Christian (I thought), and we both vowed never ever to think about divorce in our relationship. I didn't see how I was opening all the doors and windows for Satan to enter into my home and attack my family.
In January 17, 2005, I came home to an empty house. At the time, I was driving a truck around the country in order to pay the bills, and later on I found out that my wife was having an affair with the man I thought was my best friend. S____ left me, and for four months, I wasn't allowed to see my wife or children.
Since that time, I have had to go through some terrible valleys. Nights that were so dark, all I could hear were the jeering from Satan and his demonic forces. It had gotten so bad, that one night I tried to end it all and take my life. At 4AM, I sat in my truck, pumping CO into the cab listening to the radio. Though God does not speak to us in an audible voice, I clearly heard, what He had to say to me. He showed me that He not only is the One who gives life, He is also the One who takes it away. Though I sat in that truck, filled with CO, for almost an hour, He would not allow me to die.
IT GOT THAT BAD M______.
And I don't want you, or anybody else to have to go through those valleys that I had gone through.
I know what you might be thinking. John, it isn't that bad. Yes, my wife was a bit upset the other night, but we talked and I apologized, and everything is fine now. DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. Satan is very deceptive, and he not only is working you over, he is also striking at those who you hold very dear to. Put yourself in my shoes M______. For one hour think of your wife telling you that she doesn't love you any more. Dwell on another man with his arms around your wife, and your children thinking that this is alright, because Mom says it is. Dwell on the idea of being home by yourself, with your heart breaking because you are only allowed to see your children every other weekend. Engrain it into your very soul, where people look at you and see a failure. Grasp the pain that you would feel when all the other couples in the church have their get-togethers and you are clearly not invited. And worst of all, God not allowing the nightmare to end.... yet.
Brother, my tears and prayers are being poured out for you and your family. If necessary, take a break from Eve. Work out an acceptable time, with your wife, for you to play Eve again. If necessary, leave the game all together! It's not worth the tragedy, and the darkness, and the wretchedness.
The valley is still dark. I feel God's nail-pierced hand, holding onto mine. I now have one of my children living with me, but the valley is still dark and cold. I honestly don't know what God is doing with my beloved, but I must continue to trust Him. Will He ever return my wife? I don't know. I can only keep clinging to the fact that His goodness and His wisdom are so great, that He will do the every best for me, of whom He sent His only begotten son to die on the cross for.
Yet, I will continue to wait.
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My friend, maybe God brought you to this little corner in order to get your attention. Maybe you are (knowingly or not) at the brink of the abyss that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ had found me in. Don't be fooled, Satan is not stupid and he wants to hurt you and destroy everything that God holds dear to.
Be Sober.
Be Vigilant.
